Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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