It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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