here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
