Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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