Someone shit on the floor
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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