thus making me awesome and them whores
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
