So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
