i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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