I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
