help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
