I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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