Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
