So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
