white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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