Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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