I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize