there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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