just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
