yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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