I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
