I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
