So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You ruined the universe
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