oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
