Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
BRING THE BAGELS
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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