there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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