how can u be prego again
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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