I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize