"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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