just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
pray to the hookup gods
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
