put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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