one might say we're banned from that church
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
