A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
