I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
