I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
