fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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