Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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