i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my poor anus
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
