I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
