We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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