I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
