I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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