I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
