you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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