well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
