Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
