I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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