i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
