you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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