if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
