Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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