I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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