Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
