Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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