It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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