Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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