Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
