He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
