Already got asked if we're dating
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
