I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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