the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Pooping to opera.
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