i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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