I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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