woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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