how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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