I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
