my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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