I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
