the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
