You're my little dorito
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
