things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
