Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need a beard to bite.
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